How to boil crawfish without setting your lawn chair on fire.

The first crawfish boil somebody hosts in Pike County is almost always a disaster. Not the crawfish. The crawfish are usually fine. The disaster is the setup — a pot that's too small, a burner sitting on the lawn next to a plastic chair that's now a puddle, seasoning measured by feel by somebody who has never measured anything by feel correctly.

We sell the gear for these boils, have eaten more than our share, and have stood next to a melted Adirondack chair on at least one occasion. Here's the version of the guide we wish somebody had given us before our first boil.

The setup, in one paragraph

You need: a stainless stockpot with a basket (60 to 80 quart for a sack), a propane jet burner with a regulator, a 20-lb propane tank (full), a long paddle, a strainer, gloves, an ice chest for the live crawfish, and a folding table or wood pallet to dump them on. That's it. Everything else is fixings and seasoning.

How much crawfish to buy

The math is simpler than people make it. For a mixed crowd of adults and kids, plan on:

• 3 lbs of live crawfish per adult (average)
• 5 lbs per adult if you've got serious peelers, especially Louisiana transplants
• 1.5 lbs per kid
• Add 10–15% to your final number for the dead ones at the bottom of the sack

Crawfish ship in 30-lb sacks. So if you're feeding 8 adults and 4 kids, you need 30 lbs (one sack). 12 adults? Two sacks. Don't get clever and order one sack for 12 people. You will run out around hour two and the only place open will be Sonic.

Pot sizing (this is where people mess up)

The rule we use at the counter: 2 quarts of pot per pound of crawfish. A 30-lb sack needs roughly a 60-quart pot. Two sacks means an 80- or 100-quart. Going smaller doesn't save you anything — you just have to do two batches and the second batch is always worse.

Bayou Classic 60-qt and 80-qt stainless pots are what we keep on the floor. The aluminum versions exist and they're cheaper, but stainless lasts a lifetime and doesn't react with the citric acid in the seasoning. Spend the extra $40. You'll boil a hundred times.

The seasoning question

Everybody has a strong opinion. Here's the honest version:

The base of any good Mississippi or Louisiana boil is a crawfish boil seasoning — Zatarain's, Slap Ya Mama, Louisiana Fish Fry, or our personal favorite to keep stocked, Cajun Two Step. The bag is sized for a 30-lb sack. Use the whole bag. Do not "go light to be safe" — under-seasoning is the most common rookie mistake, because the seasoning lives on the shell, not in the meat.

Then add: 4 lemons (cut and squeezed in), 2 heads of garlic (smashed), a stick of butter, and a half bottle of Uncle Johnny's Farnham's Sauce or a few squirts of Crystal hot sauce. Everybody has a secret-weapon ingredient. We've seen orange peels, a can of beer, a bottle of Italian dressing, and once, regrettably, ranch dressing powder. Stick with the basics for your first three boils.

The fixings

Here's what goes in the basket before the crawfish, in this order:

1. New potatoes (bag of small reds, whole) — boil 8 minutes
2. Smoked sausage (cut in 2-inch pieces) — add at minute 6
3. Half ears of corn — add at minute 10
4. Mushrooms and/or onions — add at minute 12 if you want them
5. Crawfish — drop them in last, get the boil back, time 3 minutes, kill the heat

The fixings soak right alongside the crawfish during the rest period and pick up the seasoning at the same rate. Don't pull them out early.

Boil 3 minutes. Soak 25. That's the secret.

This is the one technique that separates the good boils from the bland ones:

1. Get a hard rolling boil with the water and seasoning.
2. Add the fixings on the timer above.
3. Drop the crawfish in. Stir with the paddle.
4. Wait for the boil to come back. Time 3 minutes from that point.
5. Kill the burner. Do not lift the basket.
6. Let it soak for 20–30 minutes. Taste-test one at minute 20 — when the meat is spicy, not just the shell, they're done.
7. Lift the basket out, dump on a paper-covered table, dust with extra seasoning if you want.

Boiling longer doesn't make them tastier. It makes them tough, the meat sticks to the shell, and you'll spend an hour peeling instead of eating. Trust the soak. The soak is everything.

The lawn chair safety thing nobody tells you

Propane jet burners put out a serious flame and they get hot. The legs of the burner stand will char any wood deck under it. The radiated heat from the side of the pot will warp anything plastic within 24 inches.

Set up rules:

• Concrete or gravel only. Never on a wood deck. Never on grass that's been dry for two weeks. Never under a low awning.
• Plastic chairs and coolers stay at least 4 feet from the burner. Five if it's windy.
• Keep the propane tank upwind of the burner, not next to it.
• Don't lean over the pot to stir. The steam alone will burn your forearm before you know it. Use the long paddle.
• Have a second person there. Always. The host doing it solo is how the chair stories happen.

Cleanup is faster than you think

Pour the water out (warn the grass — boiled seasoning will brown it), rinse the pot with the hose, hit it with a wire brush if anything stuck. Don't use soap on the inside of the pot — it'll affect the next boil. Wipe the burner down once it's cool. Refill the propane tank before you put it away or you'll regret it next time.

Frequently asked questions